


Blood On My Hands

by minttupiirakka



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, M/M, Menstruation, Nonbinary Character, Trans Connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 09:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minttupiirakka/pseuds/minttupiirakka
Summary: Connor sighed. He had forgotten to buy more pads. Well, forgot might be an overstatement: he had kind of ignored the reality in hopes he could just. Magically get rid of his ovaries before the next cycle. It was nice to pretend, but now the reality of the fantasy had backfired.Embarrassment started to creep into Connor’s mind. It would’ve been so easy to get them a few days ago when he was out getting groceries, but alas he had not. It was because of his stubbornness that Connor ended up in this predicament. It was dumb, really.“I’m out of pads”, he finally grumbled to Hank after a pregnant pause.or: Connor is nonbinary and deals with having his period while Hank tries his best to help.





	Blood On My Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody!  
> I couldn’t find any trans Connor fics where he deals with having periods sooo I helped myself.  
> I’ve had this idea for a fic for a few weeks and it’s 100% fueled by self-indulgence (I’m nonbinary and I know how awful dysphoria can get when It’s That Time Of The Month).  
> Hank is quite younger in this than in DBH, about 35 and Connor is 26.  
> Also! this is my fist fic ever posted so be gentle with me, yeah?
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

It wasn’t like Connor had forgotten; of course he hadn’t. How could he? He was reminded of its presence monthly. 

He still let out a groan of disbelief the day his menstruation started. The signs had all been there: his foul mood, arousal at odd times and of course the cramps. It made sense, but he had wanted to ignore all of it.

”You OK, Connor?” Hank asked from the couch. Had Connor groaned that loud?

”No”, he yelled in reply after a moment of hesitation as he looked down on his boxers. They were stained with dark red.

He heard shuffling and soon there was a knock on the bathroom door.  
“Con, what’s wrong?” There was a hint of concern in Hank’s voice.

Connor sighed. He had forgotten to buy more pads. Well, forgot might be an overstatement: he had kind of ignored the reality in hopes he could just. Magically get rid of his ovaries before the next cycle. It was nice to pretend, but now the reality of the fantasy had backfired. 

Embarrassment started to creep into Connor’s mind. It would’ve been so easy to get them a few days ago when he was out getting groceries, but alas he had not. It was because of his stubbornness that Connor ended up in this predicament. It was dumb, really.

“I’m out of pads”, he finally grumbled after a pregnant pause. 

A wave of realization hit the man on the other side of the door. Then:  
“You want me to go grab them for you?”

Connor blinked.  
“Um. Yeah, please”

“I’m gonna get you some ibuprofen first. Is 600 mg enough?”

“Uh-“ 

Connor’s brows furrowed. He knew that Hank knew that Connor’s cramps were bad, but to be honest it took him by surprise that he remembered. Connor was pretty good at avoiding the topic of periods, so they hadn’t talked about it too much.

Sensing his confusion Hank let out a breath. “I have a baby sister, Connor”, he stated, explaining, “I know how bad cramps can get.”

Ah, yes of course. He has a _sister_. Of course he knows _how the female body works_.

Trying to not go with that train of thought, Connor forced himself to answer Hank’s original question: “Yes, that should suffice. Thanks.”

Hank fetched the painkiller and a glass of water for Connor.  
“So uhm. You gonna open the door or…?”

A flash of dread ran through Connor’s body. He was still on the toilet, bloody boxers on his ankles and hands in his hair.

“You can leave it on the floor”, Connor replied quickly. He did not want his boyfriend to see him like this.

“Alright. I’ll be quick.”  
“Thanks, Hank”, Connor said again.

 

As he heard the front door close, Connor cracked the bathroom door just enough for him to grab the pill and the glass of water Hank had left him. Sighing in relief, Connor swallowed the painkiller down. The pain was just starting to build up, but he knew from experience that if he didn’t take anything to numb the ache, he would be end up curled on the floor in a crying mess.

Letting out a sigh, Connor walked to the sink and washed his face. When he looked up at the mirror he was stared down by a face that was just a little too…soft. A little too delicate to look, well, not feminine. 

To be fair, his face looked infinitively… _better_ than what it had looked a few years ago, but hey, dysphoria was a cruel bitch. It would always find things wrong, especially when he was on his period.  
Connor shuddered at the word. It reminded him of all the ways his body bared resemblance to that of a woman’s. He knew he wasn’t female but the nagging voice inside his head did not relent. _If you aren’t a woman then what are you? A man?_.

“You know I’m neither”, Connor mumbled to himself. Before he could get too deep into the abyss that is gender dysphoria he felt his stomach rumble. Oh yeah, he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. Maybe he would do that once Hank came home.

Hank. The perfect image of masculinity. Sometimes Connor envied all the ways he was more of a man that he could ever be. Not that he was, or wanted to be a _man_. But like, the sentiment was there.  
Hank, with his broad shoulders. Hank, with his sharp jaw and piercing eyes. Hank, his perfect…everything. Everything about Hank was flawless.  
Connor let out a dreamy sigh as his thoughts drifted to his boyfriend. His. Connor still couldn’t believe that Hank was dating him, as if it hadn’t been happening for the last eight months.

Of course Hank had his problems, but so did everybody. Sometimes he could be harsh, even ruthless. He didn’t hesitate to call anyone out on their bullshit, which often led to…confrontations. Hank wasn’t the most patient of the bunch. That, combined with his not-so-great ability at navigating difficult emotions sometimes resulted in him clashing with Connor. With Connor, who tended to avoid fighting like the plague.

Sometimes Connor snapped, though. All the little things that had been building up would surge out in vicious words, further escalating the situation. Hank would often rise up to the challenge.  
The fights left both of them raw and hurting, and it would take them some time and mending before they could see each other eye to eye. Hank would always apologize, though. No matter the circumstances. Connor truly admired that quality about him.

-

The sound of the front door opening interrupted Connor’s thoughts. Hank had been true to his word: it hadn’t taken long at all for him to get back home.

“I’m back”, he yelled from the living room, taking his shoes off. Connor grunted a noise of acknowledgment and walked out of the bathroom. His boxers were already ruined, no mind in trying to salvage them. Besides, he had to get a fresh pair from the bedroom. 

Still, he felt nervous being in front of the older man. Yes, Hank had seen him on his period before and yes, he had seen him naked. But this time it was _different_. Connor felt exposed and vulnerable now that Hank _knew_ he was bleeding.

Hank rummaged through the shopping bag ( _which seemed to be quite full, what else had he bought besides the pads?_ ) and tossed Connor the box which he was in dire need of.  
Connor caught it easily and gave Hank a bashful smile.

“Thanks, you really didn’t have to. I’m sorry I didn’t buy these earlier, it just – slipped my mind”  
Hank shot him a look that Connor couldn’t instantly decipher. Knowing, understanding?

“No problem, babe. It was no big deal.”

Connor hovered in the living room as Hank made his way to the kitchen. Feeling a bit awkward, he cleared his throat. 

“I’ll…”  
He regretted opening his mouth. He searched for the right words as Hank shifted his eyes onto Connor. _Go put the pads to work? Take care of his ~~feminine~~ problem?_  
He felt frustration at himself bubbling as he desperately raked his mind for the right phrase.

Sensing his struggle, Hank gave him a gentle smile and nodded.  
Connor let out a sigh before he nodded back and went into the bedroom. He found a clean pair of underwear and retreated into the bathroom, trying not to think about how red his face was.

 _It’s going to be okay. He knows how difficult this is for you_.

Did he, though? Connor told him the truth after they had been dating for a few weeks. He had been terrified of Hank’s reaction, but he took it very neutrally. Way better than Connor’s family, he thought wryly. Hank said he liked Connor just the way he was, and rather than being weirded out he had stated he found this side of Connor interesting. Something very…Connor-like. It made him beam with happiness and relief and it still did to this day.

It was Connor’s fault for not talking about his experience of gender to Hank, really. Sometimes there were days when all he could think about was how _ridiculous_ and _fake_ he was for being something other than…well, binary. He would hide in the bathroom and try not to dissociate and/or cry while looking at his reflection. The only source of validation was that he passed, and while it felt great to know no one thought of him as a girl it still felt a little…off. He wasn’t a man, as much as he would like to identify as one. So being perceived as only masculine and never neutral, as something in-between – it made him uncomfortable.

-

Hank didn’t pry. He sensed the topic of gender was something very delicate to Connor. So he didn’t probe when he saw that there were two big scars on Connor’s chest, or when he noticed that Connor injected testosterone every two weeks. He could not, however, pretend not to notice that his boyfriend was on his period and forgot to buy more pads. So he, as any decent boyfriend with a significant other that menstruates, offered his help to Connor.

After getting back from the store he unpacked the few groceries he bought with Connor in mind: some dark chocolate and fizzy drinks he knew Connor liked. Anything to make him feel better. 

Hank knew periods were unpleasant. He had helped his sister numerous times as she wailed in pain, bringing her food and drinks and painkillers. But he also knew that it wasn’t the same for Connor. To be reminded monthly that your body works the same way as most women’s must have been hard. 

They had not talked about Connor’s gender after he came out to Hank a few weeks into their dating. It didn’t really surprise Hank that Connor was trans: there was always something different about him compared to the previous people Hank had dated, but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. When Connor told Hank he was neither a woman or a man it made sense.  
Nonetheless, Hank wanted to understand this side of Connor better.

-

Once Connor came out of the bathroom Hank had unpacked all the groceries he bought. 

“What do ya wanna eat for breakfast, Connor? I’ll cook”, Hank said as he leaned against the kitchen counter. Connor gave him a small smile. 

“How about some pancakes?”

“Sure”, Hank replied easily.

-

“You know I like you just the way you are, right?”

Connor’s heart stuttered. He felt a blush creep onto his cheeks as he swallowed the pancake down half-chewed. Regaining his composure, he tried to play it cool.  
“Never would have guessed you for a softie.”

Hank let out a huff. “So what? I’m not the only one out of us.”

Connor threw Hank a disbelieving look.  
“Please. What are you on about?”

Hank paused.  
“Connor, you almost cried yesterday when you saw a dog across the s–“

“It was a very cute dog, okay?”, Connor’s voice pitched defensively, “There’s nothing soft about acknowledging cold facts.”

Hank let out an amused huff.

“My point still stands”, he said pointedly, “How are you feeling, by the way? Did the painkiller help with the cramps?”

Hank saw Connor visibly tense. He averted his brown eyes from Hank’s face to the wall behind him and twitched his fingers.  
“Yeah, it’s not too bad now”, Connor replied with a slight strain in his voice.

Hank took hold of Connor’s hand and smoothed his thumb over the slender fingers. 

“Hey. I love you”, Hank murmured and placed a soft kiss on Connor’s hand.

If Connor’s cheeks had been slightly pink before, he was now completely red-faced. Hank thought it was cute.

“I love you, too”, he said, quiet, still furiously blushing.

“And you know you can talk to me, right?” he said.

Connor finally looked at Hank. The older man’s expression was gentle and earnest but Connor noticed a hint of worry, too.

He sighed.  
“Yeah, I know.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

A smile tugged Connor’s mouth.  
“Maybe later.”

-

They decided to watch a movie that night. The week had been hectic for both of them, with Hank being busy with trying to find leads for his new case and Connor studying frantically for his last finals in university.

At least his period had started on a Saturday, Connor mused as he curled closer to Hank on the sofa. He had taken another painkiller a while ago, but the cramps still made sure that he wouldn’t forget their existence.

Connor had seen the movie that was playing at least three times and he knew Hank had seen it multiple times as well. It was nice, watching something familiar.

“C’mere, you”, Hank grumbled and tugged Connor onto his lap. Connor obliged, wrapped his arms around Hank’s neck and leaned in close and placed his head on Hank’s solid chest. The close proximity made Connor’s mind spin and he felt his cheeks go red.

“I love it when you blush”, Hank chuckled into Connor’s hair. The younger one made a noise that was close to a whine.

“It’s embarrassing”, he mumbled, face still firmly against Hank’s chest.

Hank took his left hand and stroked Connor’s back.  
“Con, look at me.”

With a huff, Connor raised his head and locked eyes with his lover. He felt his heart beat even faster as Hank brought his right hand and cupped Connor’s jaw, guiding his face closer.

Connor’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt their lips touch. The kiss was slow and gentle, and when they parted the look Hank gave Connor was so full of softness it reminded him of cotton candy.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong, now?” Hank asked gently.

Connor’s pulse sped up. He avoided Hank’s stare and fiddled with his sleeves.

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.”

“Connor…”

Connor sighed.  
“It’s just that. I hate having periods. And I know no one likes having them but…” he trailed off.

“It’s different cause you’re trans.”

Connor swallowed. Guess they were talking about it.  
“Yeah. It’s. It sucks cause I thought that it would stop after I started taking T but it didn’t.”  
Hank nodded and waited for Connor to continue.

“And every time I get reminded that I’m still… That I still have a body that is seen as feminine”

Hank hummed in understanding. Then:  
“If it’s any comfort, I don’t see you as feminine at all, ever.”

Connor smiled.  
“Thanks, it is.”

He was quiet for a while.

“You know I’m nonbinary, right?”

Hank nodded.

“Yeah. I remember you told me when you explained that you’re trans”

Connor hummed.

“And you know what it means?”

“Yeah, you feel like you’re not a woman or a man, right?”

Connor shifted in his lap.  
“Mm-hmm, basically.”

“You never told me much besides that”, Hank stated.

“You never asked”, Connor replied hastily.

Hank huffed.  
“I didn’t wanna probe, Connor. You almost shit your pants telling me”

Connor let out a breathy laugh.  
“Yeah I did, didn’t I? But you took it really well. My um. Family did not, so I guess that’s why I was so nervous”, he said.

Hank thought for a moment.  
“I noticed your mom calls you Connie sometimes. Is that your…?” 

_Real name._

“Deadname”, Connor cut him off, voice tense, “Yeah. It is. She forgets at times.”

Hank placed his hands on Connor’s hips, humming as he rubbed soothing circles there. He thought of how on edge Connor became whenever that happened. Hank made a mental note to always correct her in the future.

“How did you pick your name?” Hank asked, trying to steer the conversation into a direction that didn’t involve his family.

Connor looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Well, I wanted something that was kind of close to…” he trailed off, not wanting to say his deadname aloud, “It. I googled some names but none of them felt right.”

“But one day I was watching Oliver Stone’s “Alexander”, you know, the movie about Alexander the great, based on the book by Robin Fox. In the credits I noticed the name of the actor that played the young Alexander. He looked a bit like me and…I liked the name. It felt right”, he told Hank.

“So you pulled your name from a historical drama, right?” Hank chuckled. “What a nerd”, he said warmly and pecked Connor’s lips.

Connor grinned. It felt good to share this part of him with Hank.

“I guess I am.”

“There’s no doubt of it.”

“Rude”, Connor accused with a wide smile.

“You know I am”, Hank drawled and moved his hands down onto Connor’s ass.  
Connor shivered and hid his face in the crook of Hank’s neck.

“Very rude.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“The rudest.”

A pause.

“I love you”, Connor mumbled against Hank’s collar.

“I love you, too.” 

 

They stayed like that for the rest of the movie.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! If you got any thoughts, comments etc you wanna share pls feel free to lemme know!


End file.
